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Photography courtesy of Jaclyn Nguyen.
Seeking Uncomfortable
It's been a very long time since I've written. This is about to get real, honest, raw and emotional. So if you're into that kind of thing, then please continue, otherwise this post might not be for you. I'm not really sure why I chose now to start writing. I honestly love vlogging, but my iMovie and camera aren't working so this will have to do for now. I'm currently sitting in my apartment next to a candle listening to "All The Feels" playlist on Spotify struggling to find the topic of this blog post, other than just sharing what's on my mind.
I have struggled to share my journey the last 6 months because I felt like broken record, complaining and feeling horrible about everything going on in my life (hating my job, rough start to my biz, my living situation, etc). And when I did offer good content, I wasn't getting feedback. People weren't interacting with me, commenting, or sharing what they needed from me. I started to feel useless. Like why doesn't anyone ever respond to my call? I want to help others and make a career out of it, but it seems like no one wants the services and advice I so desperately want to give. I guess I just don't know what to do with this business thing, nor do I have anyone to help me and I can't afford a mentor at the moment. So, I gave up. I stopped sharing. I stopped putting myself out there on the internet. I stopped being consistent because I needed to find out what I really wanted, who my audience is, and why Instagram wasn't working for me.
I would write long-thought out captions and then feel an ache in my heart when I posted something so heartfelt and vulnerable, knowing that people just scroll past and probably think, "Damn, here she is again with these long captions that no one cares about." Or even worse, they didn't even care at all. I'm scared that I won't make an impact. That no one needs me to help them. That I won't make a difference in anyone's life.
Having an elementary education background has me trained for teaching, but I've had to learn business all on my own. As a personal brand business owner, you wear many hats. You have to do it all, unless you have the resources to build a team, which is not the case for me currently. So it's scary trying to do that while working 2 other jobs and struggling to make ends meet. This isn't just a cute little, "started from the bottom now we're here" story. With the exception of some money in my savings, I only had $47 in my checking account a few weeks ago. I've had to live small until I got my once a month paycheck. I don't share this for sympathy, I share this because THIS is what it really looks like. This is what it really looks like to break out of your comfort zone. If you're reading this and thinking, "um yeah this is why I could never follow my dreams, there's waaaaaaaaay too many risks. No thanks." I get it. I get why people don't want to do this. It's scary as hell to live like this wondering how things are going to turn out.
I've been in California for a year now and it's been the most uncomfortable, scary, and eye-opening year of my life. However, being uncomfortable has taken me places. I started going out on my own adventures, exploring on my own, adventuring and seeing the most amazing God-filled beautiful things. I realized that people are busy and don't always make time for you. That's okay. Back home you wouldn't have caught me doing anything out in public on my own (going out to eat, doing anything outdoors, etc). I couldn't do it. When I moved to California, I had no choice. It was either go out and see this amazing place you moved away from your family for, or be depressed about not having friends and stay in. The choice was obvious for me, however that meant giving up my comfort.
We stay in our comfort zones because it's safe, familiar, and stable. We don't have to face fears in the comfort zone. We get to operate in a safety bubble and have little to no pain. Sounds fun right? Wrong. People are bored out of their minds in their comfort zones. I assume you would agree. Or maybe you're not right now but you have been in the past. If you're operating in the comfort zone you're probably living in a weekend mentality because that's when you have fun, that's when the responsibility and pressure is off for a few days. That's when you can go live small adventures and then come back to Monday and get back into operating in your comfort zone. Your greatest risk that weekend was making it home safely in the Uber. Listen, I'm not here to judge your life. I'm also not telling you you have to move across the country to get out of your comfort zone. I'm here to tell you from experience that the more you step out of your comfort zone the greater your confidence grows to do bigger stuff and to live a bigger more God-filled life. Alex Goldman calls this "adventure confidence". If you don't follow her, get to it. She's magical.
Anywho. I'm here to say the more you adventure and the more you face those things that make you uncomfortable or just flat out scare you, the greater your confidence grows. It has less power over you. For me that's going to the beach alone to watch the sunset, or going out to eat by myself. Leading up to those things, I start thinking "okay, maybe I should just get it to go and eat at home" or "maybe I should text everyone I know to come with me to watch this sunset so I'm not alone". But I have to challenge myself to face that thing that makes me uncomfortable. And when I do, I realize it wasn't even really that scary. I'm still working on this uncomfortable thing in other areas of my life. But I'm aware of what makes my skin crawl and now it's time to face it for that amazing breakthrough of confidence and growth into the next level. Honestly, I'm uncomfortable to write about this. Mostly because I don't know if anyone will read this, respond, or connect with it at all.
If you made it this far, thank you. I want to share more on these kinds of topics. I would love your thoughts on this one, if you connected with any part of this please drop a comment and let me know how you've been out of your comfort zone lately or what risk you need to take?? I would love to know.